PYRO
by RentFreak
Summary: A PARODY OF RENT WITH ME AND SOME FRIENDS WHO ARE PYROS. First fic, getting used to the site, PLEASE R&R.FLAMES ARE OK. It's called PYRO for a reason 4 chaps. up, no more 'til a few reviews! THANKS!
1. RENT

**A/N- This is my first fic, any type of reviews are SO appreciated (they will MAKE MY DAY!). About the fic- It's a spoof of RENT, called PYRO, and with me and some friends of mine as characters.All RENTHEADS will realize the casting, if you do not, please tell me and I will add in a cast list. Enjoy!**

RENT

RITE 13+ PEOPLE V KNOWS FROM SCHOOL bursts into a flurry of movement.  
Then everyone except LYDIA-ROSE and SCOTT freezes in a group upstage.

LYDIA-ROSE

How do you write about real life  
When real life is getting more  
Like fiction each day  
All the crap in the headlines  
Blows my mind  
And now this deadline  
"Eviction -- or pay"  
Rent!

SCOTT in Austrailia there's a billabong  
people are doing wrong  
some animals are going rare  
the milk's gone sour  
Where is the power  
electricity ignites the air!

LYDIA-ROSE And we're hungry and frozen

SCOTT Some life that we've chosen

TOGETHER How we gonna pay  
How we gonna pay  
How we gonna pay  
Last year's rent

LYDIA-ROSE We light candles!!!!!

SCOTT How do you start a fire  
when you want to burn  
but your parents just won't let you

LYDIA-ROSE How can you generate heat  
when they say no fire, sweet

BOTH and you're sad and blue!!

LYDIA-ROSE You light up a mean blaze

SCOTT grabs one of his own posters.

SCOTT With posters --

LYDIA-ROSE grabs old manuscripts.

LYDIA-ROSE And screenplays

SCOTT AND LYDIA-ROSE How we gonna pay  
How we gonna pay  
How we gonna pay  
Last year's rent

Lights go down on the loft and go up on SAM LIBBY,  
who's at the pay phone.

SAM On phone  
Don't screen, NICK  
It's me -- SAM  
Your annoying little brother  
Hey hey hey! (Got something to eat?)  
Don't change the subject NICK  
But Sam-Sam -- you haven't eaten all day  
You didn't throw up  
You didn't throw up  
the Rite 13 room ---  
Didn't blow up (exactly)  
There may have been one teeny tiny spark  
You're not calling Lydia-Rose!!!

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY How do you stay on your feet  
When on your home street  
It's 'trick or treat'  
(And tonight it's 'trick')  
'Welcome back to town'  
Oh, I gotta get to bed  
Everything's red  
And uh -- oh  
I feel sick

LYDIA-ROSE At the window

Where is he?

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY Getting dizzy

He collapses.

LYDIA-ROSE AND SCOTT  
How we gonna pay

How we gonna pay  
How we gonna pay  
Last year's rent

LYDIA-ROSE and SCOTT stoke the fire. Crosscut to BENNY's Range Rover.

BENNY On cellular phone  
Alison baby -- you sound sad  
I don't believe those two after everything I've done  
Ever since our wedding I'm dirt -- They'll see  
I can help them all out in the long run

Three locales: SAM at the pay phone,LYDIA-ROSE and SCOTT in their loft, and THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY on the ground.

The following is sung simultaneously

BENNY pyros are gathering

pyros are gathering  
Can't turn away  
pyros are gathering

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY Ughhhhh--  
Ughhhhh--  
Ughhhhh-- I can't think  
Ughhhhh--  
Ughhhhh--  
Ughhhhh-- I need a drink

LYDIA-ROSE (reading from a script page) "The pyros ignite the night with passionate fire"

SAM NICK -- I'm not a theatre person

SCOTT "The narration crackles and pops with incendiary wit"

SAM Could never be a theatre person LYDIA-ROSE Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground

SAM (realizing she's been cut off) Hello?

LYDIA-ROSE AND SCOTT And feel the heat of the future's glow

SAM Hello?

The phone rings in the loft.

LYDIA-ROSE picks it up

LYDIA-ROSE On phoneHello? NICK?  
--Your equipment won't work?  
Okay, all right, I'll go!

LYDIA-ROSE AND HALF OF RITE 13+ PEOPLE V KNOWS FROM SCHOOL How do you leave your past behind  
It'll fine you even in K-Mart  
It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out  
Till you're torn apart  
Rent!

SCOTT AND OTHER HALF OF RITE 13+ PEOPLE V KNOWS FROM SCHOOL How can you be yourself in an age  
Where friends , landlords, bitches

Your own destinies betray

ALL What binds the fabric together  
When the raging, shifting winds of change  
Keep ripping away

BENNY Draw a line in the sandAnd then make a stand

SCOTT Use your pencils to spar

LYDIA-ROSE Use Nick's guitar

ALL When they act tough - you call their bluff

LYDIA-ROSE AND SCOTT We're not gonna pay

LYDIA-ROSE AND SCOTT WITH HALF OF RITE 13+ PEOPLE V KNOWS FROM SCHOOL We're not gonna pay

LYDIA-ROSE AND SCOTT WITH OTHER HALF OF RITE 13+ PEOPLE V KNOWS FROM SCHOOL We're not gonna pay

ALL Last year's rentThis year's rent

Next year's rentRent rent rent rent rent  
We're not gonna pay rent

SCOTT AND LYDIA-ROSE 'Cause everything is rent


	2. One Song Pyro

SCOTT

One song  
Pyro  
One song  
Before I go  
Pyro  
One song to leave behind  
Find one song  
One last refrain  
Pyro  
From the geeky nerd boy  
Who never wastes opportunity  
One song  
abnormally large feet  
Pyro  
In the eyes of a young girl  
A young girl  
Find pyro  
Beyond the cheap colored candles  
One song  
Before the sun sets  
Pyro -- on another empty rite 13 session  
Time flies -- time dies  
Pyro -- One blaze of pyro  
One blaze of pyro -- pyro  
Find  
Pyro  
In a song that rings true  
Truth like a blazing fire  
An eternal flame  
Find  
One song  
A song about flames  
Pyro  
From the soul of a young man  
A young man  
Find  
The one song  
Before the college takes hold  
Pyro  
Like a sunset  
One song  
To redeem this empty life  
Time flies  
And then - no need to learn anymore  
Time dies  
SCOTT is interrupted by a sharp knock on the door.  
It is VICY, a pissed off pyro from downstairs. The door


	3. Light the Frickin' Candle

**Y'all know the scene- Roger/Mimi. I am very proud of this, even though I wrote it at like 10 pm whenI was sleep deprived and slightly out of whack. PLease review if you want more chapters!**

**MUAHAHAH.**

SCOTT  
What'd you forget?

VICY enters, holding a candle and looking for a match;  
She's a pyro.

VICY  
Got a light?

SCOTT  
I know you- -- You're --  
You're giggling

VICY  
It's nothing  
I fiddled with the heat  
And I'm just a little  
hyper on my feet  
light the frickin candle!  
What are you staring at?

SCOTT  
Nothing  
You look evil again  
You look familiar  
He lights her candle. VICY starts to leave, but trips.  
are you trippin'?

VICY  
Just had a bunch of sugar today  
At least the room stopped spinning.  
Anyway. What?

SCOTT  
Nothing  
Your smile reminded me of --

VICY  
I always remind people of -- who is she?

SCOTT

She's across the hall- April

VICY blows out candle in shock.  
VICY  
It's out again!  
I look like the MOM of your best friend?!  
Light the frickin' candle!

SCOTT lights the candle. They linger, awkwardly.

SCOTT  
Well --

VICY  
Yeah. Ow!

SCOTT  
Oh, the wax -- it's --

VICY  
Dripping! I wish it would light the--

SCOTT

Carpet. I figured...  
Oh, well. Goodnight.

VICY exits. SCOTT heads back toward Nick's guitar on the table.  
There is another knock, which he answers.  
It blew out again?

VICY  
No -- I think that I dropped my candy

SCOTT  
I know I've seen you out and about  
After school when I go out  
Your candle's out

VICY  
I'm confused --  
I had it when I walked in the door  
It was pure --  
Is it on the floor?

SCOTT  
The floor?

VICY gets down on all fours and starts searching  
the floor for her candy. She looks back at SCOTT,  
who is staring at her again.

VICY  
They say I have the best ass below 14th street  
Is it true?

SCOTT  
What?

VICY  
I saw a bass player on 14th street !

You're staring again.

SCOTT  
Oh no.  
I mean you do -- have a nice --  
I mean -- You look familiar

VICY  
Like your friend's mom?

SCOTT  
Only when you cackle.  
But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else --

VICY  
Do you go to Baxter Woods?  
That's where I work out - I run - help me look

SCOTT  
Yes!  
With the Cross Country team --

VICY  
It's a workout!

VICY douses the flame again.

SCOTT  
I didn't recognize you  
Without the sneakers

VICY  
Light the frickin candle!  
WHY ARENT YOU LIGHTING THE CANDLE!?

SCOTT lights it again.

SCOTT  
Why don't you forget that candy  
You look like you're thirteen

VICY  
I'm fourteen – shut the hell up  
I'm just born to be hyper

SCOTT  
I once was born to be hyper  
I used to twitch like that

VICY  
I have no candy -- I told you

SCOTT  
I used to sweat

VICY  
I just ran six miles

SCOTT  
Uh huh  
I used to be a player

VICY  
But now and then I like to --

SCOTT  
Run?

VICY  
It feels good!

SCOTT  
Here it -- um --

SCOTT stoops and picks up a small object: VICY's candy.

VICY  
What's that?

SCOTT

It's a candy bar wrapper- not yours

SCOTT puts it behind his back and into his pocket.

VICY  
light the frickin candle!

SCOTT discreetly blows out the candle.

VICY  
What'd you do with my candle?

SCOTT  
That was my last match

VICY  
'Kay now I'm pissed I was gonna light fires

SCOTT  
Maybe it's not necessary at all  
I hear Sam's shooting down the street

VICY  
Well crap…crap

VICY steps on his foot, pretending to do it by accident.

SCOTT

Big feet

VICY  
Yours too.  
Big. Like my father's  
You wanna be pryo?

SCOTT  
With you?

VICY  
No -- with my father

SCOTT  
I'm SCOTT

VICY

I knew that  
You call me V.

They come extremely close to a fistfight.  
VICY reaches into his pocket, nabs the candy,  
waves it in front of his face, and makes a kickass exit.


	4. Today 4 U

LYDIA-ROSE and SCOTT's loft

LYDIA-ROSE Enter Tom The Infamous Random Hot Guy, computer genius, teacher, vagabond anarchist,  
who ran naked through the Parthenon

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY carries NELL's pickle tub, now filled with provisions.

LYDIA-ROSE AND THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY

Bustelo -- Marlboro  
Banana by the bunch  
A box of Captain Crunch will taste so good

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY And firewood

LYDIA-ROSE Look -- it's Santa Claus

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY Hold your applause

SCOTT Oh hi THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY 'Oh hi' after seven months?

SCOTT Sorry

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY This boy could use some Stoli

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY, LYDIA-ROSE AND SCOTT Oh holy night

SCOTT You struck gold at MIT?

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY They expelled me for my theory of Actual RealityWhich I'll soon impart To the couch potatoes at New York University  
Still haven't left the house?

SCOTT I was waiting for you, don't you know?

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY Well, tonight's the nightCome to the Life Cafe after Nick's show

SCOTT No flow

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY Gentlemen, our benefactor on this Christmas EveWhose charity is only matched by talent, I believe  
A new member of the Alphabet City avant-garde  
Nell!

NELL sashays in. She's gorgeously done up in a Santa outfit,  
with a fan of twenty-dollar bills in each hand.

NELL Today for you -- tomorrow for me  
Today for you -- tomorrow for me

THE INFAMOUS RANDOM HOT GUY And you should hear her beat!

LYDIA-ROSE You earned this on the street?

NELL It was my lucky day today on Avenue AWhen a lady in a limousine drove my way  
She said, "Dahling, need your help-I've got a party tonight  
I need your help the planned musician just 'dropped the mic'  
"This girl-Evita just won't show up  
I believe if you play non-stop through the night  
the partiers will just loose their breath  
it's a benefit gala, you see- drunk driving equals death."  
Today for you -- tomorrow for me  
Today for you -- tomorrow for me  
We agreed on a fee -- A thousand dollar guarantee  
Tax-free -- and a bonus for the Christmas tree

Now who could foretell that it would go so well  
But sure as I am here that party went really swell  
After an hour, this rich guy -- in all his glory  
after the music and my tragic, tragic stories

After yours truly played the blues  
gave enough moolah to make the news  
Today for you -- tomorrow for me  
Today for you -- tomorrow for me

NELL does a fabulous drum and dance solo.

Be Then back to the street where I met my sweetWhere he was moaning and groaning on the cold concrete  
The nurse took him home for some mercurochrome  
And I dressed his wounds and got him back on his feet  
Sing it!  
Today for you -- tomorrow for me  
Today for you -- tomorrow for me  
Today for you -- tomorrow for me  
Today for you -- tomorrow for me


	5. The Tango Rite 13

SAM

The samples won't delay

But the cable --

LYDIA-ROSE

There's another way  
Say something -- anything

SAM (into the mike)

Testing " two, one, three

LYDIA-ROSE My God, you dumbass

SAM This is weird

LYDIA-ROSE It's weird

SAM Very weird

LYDIA-ROSE Fuckin' weird

SAM I'm so mad  
I have absolutely no clue  
Fighting with microphones  
Freezing down to my bones  
And to top it all off  
I'm with you

LYDIA-ROSE Feel like going insane?  
Got fires on your brain?  
And you're thinking of lighting gasoline?

SAM As a matter of fact --

LYDIA-ROSE Sammy, I know this act  
It's called the 'Tango Rite 13'  
The Tango Rite 13  
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round  
As it keeps you dangling

SAM You're wrong

LYDIA-ROSE Your heart it is mangling

SAM You won't get anything from me!

LYDIA-ROSE

And you toss and you turn  
the carpet you can burn  
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

SAM

I think I know what you mean

BOTH The Tango Rite 13

LYDIA-ROSE

have you ever looked at the groupand though that's spooky'

SAM Uh...

LYDIA-ROSE Have you ever doubted a class or two?

SAM This is spooky Did you trip when you walked through the door?

LYDIA-ROSE Every time -- so be cautious

SAM Did you fight with the other guys --?

LYDIA-ROSE More than fight --

SAM I'm getting nauseous

They begin to dance, with LYDIA-ROSE leading.

LYDIA-ROSE Where'd you learn to tango?

SAM watching the Mardi Gras festival every year. And you?

LYDIA-ROSE Watching the Tango Maureen in RENT with y'all on Rite 13 movie night.

They switch, and SAM leads.

LYDIA-ROSE

Finally- it was weird doing it backwards.

SAM  
You should try it in heels!  
we speeded

LYDIA-ROSE  
we speeded

SAM  
Rite 13 speeded

LYDIA-ROSE  
Fuckin' speeded

SAM I'm defeated I should give up right now

LYDIA-ROSE Gotta look on the bright side With all of your might

SAM I'd fall for it still anyhow

BOTH When you're trying to dance  
You don't stand a chanceno romance  
any anyways you fall

LYDIA-ROSE So you think, 'Might as well'

SAM "Dance a tango to hell"

BOTH

At least I'll have tangoed at all'  
The Tango Rite 13  
Gotta dance till ten oâ€™clock comes

You pretend to believe the stuff

Cause in the end

" you're in the buff But the end it will come  
Still you are pretty dumb  
you're glum and you're a bum  
Smurfs are blue

LYDIA-ROSE Why do we giggle when Scott's mean?

SAM And V can be so obscene

LYDIA-ROSE Try the mike

SAM Rite 13 (reverb: een, een, een...)

LYDIA-ROSE Patched

SAM Thanks

LYDIA-ROSE You know -- I feel great now!

SAM I feel lousy

The pay phone rings. LYDIA-ROSE hands it to SAM.  
Honey, we're... pause Pookie?!  
You never call me Pookie...  
Never call me Pookie again NIKKY...  
whatevs, we're patched.

She hangs up, looks at LYDIA-ROSE. BOTH The Tango Rite 13!


	6. Out Tonight

**Mimi's song!!!!! Please R&R, check out my other stories.**

VICY:Whats the time?  
I've stayed up past midnight  
My brain's talking to me  
it says fire hazard

It says 'I wanna commit a crime  
want to get in a dirty street fight  
I wear a short skirt but I don't flirt  
i'm strange  
I've had a knack from way back  
At breaking the rules once I learn the Games  
Get-up life's too quick I know someplace sick  
Where this chick'll light up the flames  
we don't have any money  
but we can sneak in for free  
You can slip in too  
If you sneak in with me Let's go out tonight  
I have to go out tonight  
You wanna play?  
Let's run away  
we might not be back  
for Christmas Day  
Take me out tonight (hiss)  
When I light a fire in the doorway  
Do you know how lucky you'll be?  
That your on line with the feline of  
Avenue B Let's go out tonight  
I have to go out tonight  
You wanna prowl hunt a night owl?  
Well let's get going we're gonna howl  
Out tonight  
In the evening I must roam  
like being trapped in a sneaker made out of chrome  
gotta get away from home  
get away from these woods

So let's find a carsteal it so we forget who we are  
And all the scars from the  
Nevers and maybes die  
Let's go out tonight  
Have to go out tonight  
You're sweet  
Wanna hit the street?  
wanna be on criminals of the week?  
Just take me out tonight  
Please take me out tonight  
Don't forsake me - out tonight  
I'll let you make me - out tonight  
Tonight - tonight - tonight


End file.
